My Life...Deal With It

So today was wicked cool. I went to the beach with K.C. We went to Bluff Point in Groton which i had never heard of. It was awesome. It was the first time that i had gone to the beach this year and i was happy to go with her. She's probably one of the funnest people. (have fun with that anonymous commenters!)

Bluff Point is like a state park and it is like a 45min walk from you're car so it wasn't crowded. There were like 10 other people there. It was wicked cool, but the water was freezing.

We played wiffle ball in the water and stopped at the lighthouse bakery for lunch. It took like 1hr and 30mins to get there, but it was fun. She took me to Salem ice cream on the way home because she thought it was terrible that i had never been there yet along not even heard of it.

All and all it was a good day.

Okay first of all i dont know why I'm using so many question marks.

Now for the real reason for this entry. I don't get why I'm so paranoid all the time. Like i'll think that if a person doesn't answer back on an IM it somehow means they're avoiding me. Which probably is not true, but I get so paranoid about it that i start to believe it's true, and start to think back to all these things that i could have done to piss them off. It's a crazy process that i dont really feel like getting into too much detail about.

I hate being paranoid all the time. Always thinking "are they talking about me?" "did i do something wrong?" It's so freakin' annoying.

Oh yeah, I've also realized that i have been swearing more lately. Not because i think it's cool to swear, but it seems like if i get really angry ppl just laugh, and i'm tired of ppl not taking me seriously, so i guess i start swearing and that makes them take it a little better, i don't really even know. I'm just tired of being considered a joke to people. And no this is not a reference to a certain person or event, but just an overall general feeling. I guess i'm done with this one now. Comments?

So yeah...not a lot has happend since my last update. Schools out now. Graduation isnt until the 22nd, but im wicked excited. So work didnt give me any hours next week, which kinda sucks, but w/e. I painted Pirates of the Caribbean on the windows with Jenn. It was a fun time.

Life has actually been okay lately. I've been hangin' out with friends and stuff. Blowing stuff up is the coolest thing ever...ha. I dont really know what else to say. I really want to make this summer the best one ever. It's my last one before college, so I want this one to be great.

So I have decided to make a list of my likes and dislikes. I probably won't finish this in this one entry since it's 12:16 in the morning, but w/e just comment if you have any in common.

Likes
Livejournals, sequels(bad or good), American Idol, Harry Potter(yeah Will and Kevin i know you're laughing), director's commentaries, movies, my job, meaningful conversations, myspace, facebook, aim, flogging molly, goo goo dolls, Panic! At the Disco, country music, dogs, swimming, running, cooking, reminiscing, parties, The All-American Rejects, Kelly Clarkson, pizza, Vinny T's, girls, more to come later...

Dislikes
Calculus, losing touch with friends, rap, annoying people, pictures of me, jerks, bitches, unfunny comedies, having to sleep, not having free time, huge groups, silence, really loud noises, falling, rats, mice, Taylor Hicks, snakes,...i'll think of more

comment if you have any of the same.

Yeah...so since my last upedate...I had orientation at Uconn. It was a lot better than i thought it was going to be. I guess i will be able to make friends, but hopefully not only with the people in the honors dorm, b/c damn some of them are weird. I know i'm kinda weird, but i dont play videogames all day or have D and D parties, or ever even played it in my life. Vicki kind of settled my mind with the whole weird people and missing things at school type of stuff.

Also, I realized that I over think every single aspect of my day. I will hang out with friends and analyze almost every word that i said, or that someone said on the way home because i'm that much of a psycho sometimes.

Back to college stuff...I'm really excited for school. I think college as a whole is going to be a great time.

Now, back to the whole analyzing stuff, there are some lyrics that Jen got from Vicki that are some of the most applicable lyrics at this time in my life.

So i havent updated in a while, so i figured it was time. First of all, Justin, you're comment before was rude, but i dont really care. Yeah, i know it was you. Or atleast that's what i was told.

Okay so the point of my post. So i signed up for facebook today, and it got me thinking about college. I'm really excited for it, but also really nervous. What if i dont make friends? I dont really make friends that easily. I'm just worried that i'm going to be this loner kid that stays in his room all the time, who has no friends, and never knows what's going on. I dont want to be out of the loop like i am in now. I know i cant expect everything to change, but i want it to. (comments? help?)

So i really have nothing else to say, but i felt i should update.

Why am I such a coward when it comes to everything. i feel like i have been safe all my life and havent experienced anything. Why the fuck can't i be outgoing? I hate this shit...and i dont normally swear, but im kinda upset right now.

I don't know if i really want to say this. Yeah this isnt as big as i'm making it, but to me right now its huge. I guess it just hit me that high school is going to be over in like 2 months. I know i've been waiting for graduation forever, but right now i want to go back in time. I wish i could go back to freshman year, when we all had that naivety about everything. Everything was new and we were just discovering things about the world, but not me. I think i skipped over that whole phase or just didnt take part in it.

you see, I've never had a girlfriend really in my life, and i regret that so much right now. I know its not even my fault, but i think it is. I guess I'm just not an outgoing person. I just wish that i could go back and relive all those years. I guess i just realized that i am never going to get that time back. We're never going to be sweet and innocent again. We are just going to be adults living in a crew world. I dont even know if i want to post this. I just feel like if i had gone through that whole phase where you get your first girlfriend your first whatever, i would feel like i actually lived during my childhood, but right now it feels like i wasted it. i dont know i guess i'm going to try to live this summer to the fullest. If i dont i'm going to severly regret it.

I need to tell you this: I still like you. You told me you still liked me, i hope that is still true. I know you think you are going to hurt me, i know you have a lot of things going on, but i want to help you. I still want to be with you. Hell, i didnt even get a chance to really be with you yet. I just hope you know that this is about you. If you don't want to be with me i'll understand. You probably think i'm a huge loser because i'm posting about it in a stupid livejournal. i cant believe i'm even doing this. I hope you arent creeped out.

Well I'm out.

so yeah, they told me i was gunna be a supervisor today. I was wicked excited. Mr. Hebert said i'm gunna start on monday after Easter. As much as i am excited, i'm still nervous. I dont know if i'm gunna be good. I dont know if the other supervisors/regular employees are gunna approve, or how they'll react. I got my keys and my shirt so its official and everything. I just wish i havent only talked to mr. hebert, but i wish i had gotten to talk to mr. laughran or ms. britten. I'm still really excited though. And really happy.

So yeah this will probably be the last post that i talk about being a supervisor, or work in general, well maybe work a little, but i'm not gunna be as obsessed anymore.

I feel so stupid for being worried about this. It's not even a big deal. I don't know...I was told not to worry, but still. Nothing is for sure until i hear it from the source. I just wish i would know already instead of just waiting for something to happen. I'm trying not to worry about it, but trying not to makes me worry about it more. Worry is really the right word, its more like wonder. Because im not really worried just curious. This probably makes no sense to the people who regularly read this which is like one person. Yeah so i dotn really know what else to say. I never update this soon but i felt like i should.